Kung Fu Panda: Oh, Brother
by Nilesmac
Summary: A Kung Fu Panda Fan Fiction. Everybody at the Jade Palace is excited about Crane's brother visiting, except for Crane.


**This story was sorta a spur of the moment goofy story i came up** with.** If you like it I'll update upload the other chapters!**

**Chapter 1: Oh, Brother where Are thou?**

Po awakes from his sleep, yawning and stretching.

Po: (narrative) "Time to get ready for another typical day as the awesome Dragon Warrior."

Po leaps out of bed into a Kung-Fu stance, his room is filled with ninjas to the point no one can take a step without stepping on each others toes.

Po: (narrative) "Typical."

Po obliterates all the ninjas with ease sending them flying through the roof of his room in to the unknowns of space. He yawns and takes a step outside his room.

_Rumble, rumble, rumble…_

A giant boulder begins racing down the hallway towards Po, he dashes with bodacious speed down the hall from the pursuing boulder. In the neck of time he makes a flying leap through a ring of fire across an abyss to the other side of the hallway safely leaving the boulder to tumble down the abyss creating a gigantic explosion, our hero doesn't look back at the humongous illogical explosion, but gingerly trots along.

Po: (narrative) "The Dragon Warrior is too cool to look back at explosions."

Po is greeted in the training hall by Monkey.

Monkey: "Race you to 100 sit ups, Dragon Warrior!"

Po: "You're on!"

They immediately hit the ground and begin their sit ups. Monkey is in perfect form as he works them out.

Monkey: "1…2…3….4…..5"

Po struggles immensely as he fights gravity trying to do a single sit up.

Po: " Hurrrrrrr… hurrr….. 100.. There I'm done."

Monkey: "Aww, you beat me again Po! And that's the correct way to count; Shifu was an idiot to tell you otherwise."

Tigress and Viper enter the training hall appearing completely enamored.

Tigress: "Po, I'm here to tell you that I am broccoli in love with you."

Viper: "I too am egg salad in gallop for your hugs."

Po: (narrative) "His effects on women and his understanding of the English language were legendary."

Po: "It was obvious from the start you two were egg salad for me since the minute we met as carrots."

Mantis hops up out of nowhere onto Tigress's shoulder.

Mantis: "Po, I have to confess to you that I want you….. And I need you."

Po: "Uh, that ones a little less obvious I'll admit."

Crane shoves Tigress and Viper aside.

Crane: "Po, I love you!"

Po begins to back away nervously

Po: "Okay, this is seriously starting to creep me out."

Just then the door to the Jade Palace burst open as a Rabbit rushes in huffing heavy breaths.

Po: (narrative) "Trouble was coming, and after an awkward start, the typical Dragon Warrior day had totally official begun."

Po: "What is it Mr. Young?"

Mr. Young: "The Jade Palace is under attack by zombie-vampires and time portals!"

Po: "Time portals?"

Mr. Young: "Portals that go back in time, yes."

Po: "Darn it. My arch enemy …..ies"

Po rushes out the Palace and stands ready in Kung-Fu stance, but there's nothing outside.

Mr. Young closes the door behind them.

Po: "Uh, Mr. Young there's nothing out here."

Mr. Young: "I know I lied. I just had to get you alone so that I can tell you that..

Mr. Young gets uncomfortable close to Po's ear as he murmurs.

Mr. Young: "My love for you burns like a thousand suns."

Po drops to his knees and raises his fist in the air.

Po: "Nooooooo!"

Po awakens from his dream screaming.

Po: "Oh, thank God. It was Just a nightmare."

Monkey opens the slide door and pokes his head in.

Monkey: "Po, why are you yelling? Wait, are you having that dream again where-"

Po: "Where everyone in town is awkwardly confessing their love for me? No, of course not. I don't know where you got that idea because that idea is absolutely ridiculous. You're being so ridiculous right now, Monkey. That's totally loony tunes."

Monkey: "Anyways…. Shifu wants us to head up to the Jade Palace Hall for an important announcement. Are you sure you're okay?"

Po: "Yeah, Monkey. I can handle a bad dream."

Everybody gathers in the Jade Palace Hall in audience to Crane standing beside Shifu.

Shifu: "Alright everybody, I want you all to give Crane your undivided attention; he has an important announcement to make. I called upon a meeting because it affects every one of you. Go ahead, Crane."

Crane rubs the back of his neck nervously.

Crane: "Oh, jeeze. How do I even begin, well recently my dad passed away."

Viper: "Oh, I'm so sorry."

Crane: "Trust me, if you knew him you wouldn't be."

There's a slight awkward pause.

Viper: "Alright…..Fair enough I guess."

Crane: "Anyways, my mom has jumped right into dating again and her current boyfriend was unhappy with my adult brother living in the attic, so she kicked him out the house. So, my brother Band is-"

Po: "Your brother, Brandon?"

Crane: "Band."

Po: "Dan?"

Crane: "Band"

Po: "Stan?"

Crane: "Band!"

Po: "Boris?"

Crane: "You're getting farther away from it…."

Po: "Band? Like a marching band?"

Crane: "Yeah, Band."

Po: "Like rubber bands? Or like wrist-"

Crane: "Stop! So, my brother is going to be staying with us for a while just so he can get back on his feet and eventually find his own place. And I guess what I'm saying is, I'd appreciate it if you'd all show him kindness and hospitality, but I have to warn you, he's a tool."

Crane shrugs.

Crane: "But he's still my brother."

Monkey: "Okay, sounds good to me. Your brother Band is welcome to stay as long as he needs as far as I'm concern."

Po: "His brother Dan?"

Later….

Everybody is in attendance in the Jade Palace front yard awaiting Crane's brother Band's arrival.

Crane: "He should be here anytime now."

Viper: "This is exciting! I can't wait to meet your brother."

Tigress: "What's he like?"

Crane: "I told you, he's a tool."

Monkey: "What does he do for a living?"

Crane: "He makes bracelets."

Mantis: "Does he know Kung-Fu too?"

Crane: "No. Just makes bracelets."

A Rabbit mail man arrives rolling along a large cardboard box in a wagon.

Shifu: "Mr. Young, can we help you?"

Mr. Yong: "I got a package here for Crane, was told it be opened immediately upon devilry."

Crane sighs.

Mr. Young: "Well aren't you gonna open it?"

Crane: "No because I already know what's going to happen if I-"

Suddenly a red-crowned crane with a frizzy mow hawk atop his head wearing a tiny beaded choker necklace burst out of the card board box.

Band: "Hey, little brother!"

Crane screams and falls backwards.

Shifu: "You must be Band."

Band: "And you must be a thousand. Hey, somebody take this zombie back to the curse cryptic of which he came from. He he. I'm just joking around. Here take one on the house"

Band tosses Shifu a beaded bracelet.

Shifu: "Um, thank you?"

Band: "Hey, you guys wanna hear something funny? My little brother didn't stop wetting the bed until he was 12. We would all call him Professor Pee Pants, you know, to sorta discourage him from doing stuff."

Po: "Ha!"

Band walks up to Po.

Band: "Hey, buddy you like gifts?"

Po: "Yeah."

Band: "From now on you call my little brother Professor Pee Pants, got it? Here's one on the house."

Band tosses Po a beaded bracelet.

Po: "Whoa! Hey you there Professor Pee Pants, you better….. Uh, clean the sheets because there's pee on them, your pee, because you wet the bed... like an idiot!"

Band: "Don't worry you'll get better, "A" for effort though. Here's one on the house."

Band tosses Po another bracelet.

Po: "Cool!"

Band shoulders Crane as he walks up the stairs toward the Jade Palace entrance.

Band: "Come on little brother, show me around this nice place you got."

Crane scowls, then heads up inside the Jade Palace and the rest follow except Po.

Po is eying Mr. Young the mail man intensely.

Mr. Young: "Uh, hi?.."

Po: "Quiet! You can't butter me with your honeyed words, fiend!"

Po turns and runs inside the Jade Palace, the entrance gate shutting behind him.

Mr. Young: "What?"


End file.
